When It Comes To Divorce, British Dads At A Disadvantage.... | |
Sounds just like in Australia too!
Quote #1: In the vast majority of cases here, mothers receive residence,
regardless of how involved the father was in the children's lives before
the parents separated. Government figures indicate that more than 90 % of
the time mothers are awarded residence (custody) of the children. Since 90%
of divorce cases never get to court, it is presumed 90% of fathers are
satisfied. The fact is, most men know the odds are stacked against them,
and don't have the money or heart to go through a debilitating legal
process they are sure to lose.
Quote #2: There have even been cases where the courts acknowledged a man
has been a good and involved father, but refused contact because the mother
says that would make her unhappy.
Quote #3: The Children's Act of 1989 passed by Parliament was intended to
promote shared parenting, but with few exceptions, the family courts have
interpreted the law otherwise. Joint custody or 'shared residence' is
almost never considered a viable option by family judges, even if that is
the expressed desire of the children.
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http://www.cbsnews. com/stories/ 2007/12/28/ london/main36546 60.shtml# ccmm
CBS News
29 December 2007
London's Absent Dads
When It Comes To Divorce, British Dads At A Disadvantage
London - Families across Britain are spending quality time over the
holidays, except for the many fathers who aren't, because the courts or
their former partners won't allow them access to their children.
In the vast majority of cases here, mothers receive residence, regardless
of how involved the father was in the children's lives before the parents
separated.
Government figures indicate that more than 90 % of the time mothers are
awarded residence (custody) of the children. Since 90% of divorce cases
never get to court, it is presumed 90% of fathers are satisfied. The fact
is, most men know the odds are stacked against them, and don't have the
money or heart to go through a debilitating legal process they are sure to
lose.
British family court judges rarely see the children involved in custody
cases, relying on reports by child welfare officers. These are
overwhelmingly parole officers, whose specialty is dealing with convicted
criminals. It is highly unusual for a judge to contradict their
recommendations. There have even been cases where the courts acknowledged a
man has been a good and involved father, but refused contact because the
mother says that would make her unhappy.
There was the case of a father who had been phoning his children most every
night for six years. Suddenly, the court restricted him to calling just
twice a month because the mother insisted his calls were "disruptive to the
household routine." The court also refused him permission to give his
children cell phones.
The Children's Act of 1989 passed by Parliament was intended to promote
shared parenting, but with few exceptions, the family courts have
interpreted the law otherwise. Joint custody or 'shared residence' is
almost never considered a viable option by family judges, even if that is
the expressed desire of the children.
When fathers are awarded time with their children, it is still up to the
mother to open the door. The courts rarely punish mothers who ignore court
orders and ultimately many fathers get worn down and give up.
A 1998 government paper indicates that 40% of separated mothers admit to
blocking contact. There has been no indication of a positive change since
then.
The Daily Telegraph newspaper recently quoted a family court judge as
saying, "A father spent $120,000 to secure a defined court order." But the
mother ignored it, refused contact and now "the father is penniless and the
case is still unresolved."
Another judge conceded, "Enforcement of an order repeatedly contravened is
extremely difficult. Fines and imprisonment of offending mothers are
detrimental to the child."
This is deemed more important than the detrimental effect blocked access
has to the children's relationship with the father. It also undermines the
presumption that justice should be blind.
Far too often the courts ignore research showing a father's involvement is
directly linked to how a child turns out.
According to a British government report, "Boys who feel their fathers
devote time and talk to them about their worries almost all emerge as
motivated and optimistic men. Early father involvement protects against
delinquency later. A father's involvement in children's education at age 7
predicts higher educational attainment by age 20 in both boys and girls."
The elementary school in London that refused to send a father information
unless he provided the postage stamps is more the reality on the ground,
and sends the dad a strong message about how he is perceived.
When Sir Bob Geldof, the anti-poverty campaigner and former Boomtown Rat
was divorced, he lost access to his three daughters and was plunged into
'an ocean of grief.' Geldof said, expressing the emotions of many, "it
freaked me out. I could not live without my kids. I just wanted to go to
some dark grey corner of the world and howl into the void."
Geldof was ultimately awarded custody of his children after a drug raid on
their mothers home. She has since died of a drug overdose, and he has since
adopted the child she had with Michael Hutchence, the INXS band member who
hanged himself.
Geldof is an outspoken critic of family courts and once said he'd received
70 large garbage bags filled with letters from desperate fathers. Is it
surprising then that a BBC survey found that a quarter of British children
do not consider their fathers immediate family?
There are a growing number of support groups such as 'Families Need
Fathers' that also lobby for change. At their meetings it is heart breaking
to see the cancer of the men's loss eating away at them, as they tell their
story and look to others for a bit of advice and a shred of hope.
While it is true some fathers do not want to have contact with their
children, there are more than enough who do but can't, who are not abusive,
drunks, addicts, or deadbeat dads, and who pay their child support.
In the movies, dad ends up being able to see his kids (albeit through the
benevolence of the ex-wife), but real life is not like Kramer vs. Kramer
and Mrs Doubtfire, that's why this holiday season, many British children
and their fathers won't be celebrating together.
---
Listen to the Letter
http://www.cbsnews. com/media/ 2007/12/21/ audio3640204. mp3
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Comments - Page 1 of 4 | First | 1 2 3 4 | Last
Things are no better for Dads in Illinois. The state does have a criminal
statute which makes it a misdemeanor crime for a custodial parent to
withhold court-ordered visitation. But the statute must be enforced by
local police, who consider missed visitation to be a ''civil matter''
regardless of the law. Speaking candidly and off-the-record, most police
officers will admit that they don'' even know how to issue a citation under
the Unlawful Visitation Interference Act.
No county in IL has more than a dozen citations issued each year, despite
the tens of thousands of non-custodial fathers throughout the state. Every
county courthouse has an Office of Child Support Enforcement, but not ONE
courthouse in IL has a corresponding office to enforce court-ordered
visitation. So while Mom can rely on governmental assistance to collect
child support, Dads are ''on their own'' when it comes to enforcing
visitation orders.
Posted by upbeatdad at 08:25 PM : Dec 30, 2007
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Dads of America should demand equal treatment in family courts. It''s
ridiculous to assume women are more capable than men of raising kids. And
why isn't child support deductible especially when it exceeds standard
basic living expenses. Kids need their dads. End of story.
Posted by standlee5 at 06:58 PM : Dec 30, 2007
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Since when are children the sole "aspect" of a womans life?
Posted by robstrck at 01:53 PM : Dec 30, 2007
I'll second that! My sons were every bit as much my children as they were
my ex-wife''s!
Posted by SgtRDS at 03:36 PM : Dec 30, 2007
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AND A MISANDRIST/FEMINIST KNEEJERK:
Oh no, another tale of the put-upon white male. He has found an aspect of
women''s lives that he can't control, but fear not, he won't rest until
he's rectified that.
Posted by tngreen at 01:14 PM : Dec 30, 2007 More...
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12th-January-2008
