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  1. #1
    Feckless's Avatar
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    An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Would there have been as much sympathy for a father?

    For any mom who's ever felt frazzled, overwhelmed or rushed, Oprah says this show is for you. "It's your wake-up call to slow down," she says. "What happened to my guest today could so easily happen to any of you."



    Brenda Slaby still blames herself for her daughter's death. She tells moms to slow down and appreciate their kids.







    Brenda Slaby says she was once an assistant principal and mother of two who tried her best to be "supermom."


    "It was very hard trying to be the perfect mom and the perfect employee," she says. "I try to be everything to everybody... I've always been the kind of person that lived for doing things for other people."


    Then, on a hot August afternoon in 2007, she says she went from being a good role model for children, a good administrator and a good parent to being the most hated mom in America.


    When Brenda woke up on August 23, 2007, she says she knew she had a busy day ahead of her. Summer vacation was coming to a close, and it was the first day back for teachers at her school. That morning, the rush to get out the door was more frantic than usual, she says.


    Brenda and her husband, Gary, got their two young daughters, Allison and Cecilia, dressed and ready to go. Then, in a departure from their regular routine, Brenda loaded 2-year-old Cecilia into her car to take her to the babysitter's house.


    "I had a dentist appointment, and I asked Brenda to take Cecilia," Gary says. "I normally took both Cecilia and Allison, dropped Cecilia off at the sitter and Allison off at preschool."


    With Cecilia sleeping in the backseat, Brenda pulled out of the driveway at about 6 a.m. When she realized it was too early to drop her youngest child off, she decided to run a quick errand. Brenda stopped at the store to buy doughnuts, a treat for the returning teachers.


    After loading her car with snacks, she got on the road that led to her school and drove straight there. With her mind racing through all the things she needed to accomplish before teachers arrived, Brenda got right to work. "I had lots of things to set up," she says. "I was nervous and frantic that morning because it was such an important day to get the school year [off] to a great start."


    The day began with a staff meeting, followed by lunch. While chatting with new teachers between meetings, Brenda says she talked about her daughters. "My feeling was it was a great first start," she says. "It was going to be a great school year, and it was a great start to the day."
    At about 4 p.m., Brenda was in her office, getting ready to head home when all hell broke loose. "A good teacher friend of mine -- sometimes I think it was a blessing it was her -- was on her way home, and she walked by my car," Brenda says. "She ran into my office and she said, 'Brenda, your baby's in the car.'"


    Brenda immediately grabbed her keys and raced to the parking lot. "I knew what I was going to find," she says. "I opened my car door, and I remember hearing the voices around me. Teachers who were close to me [were] screaming."


    When she got to her car she found Cecilia in the backseat, still strapped into her car seat. Brenda says she grabbed her daughter out of the car as fast as she could, but she knew it was too late.


    "I knew she was gone as soon as I picked her up, I knew," she says. "I remember I took her, and I ran through the parking lot with her, screaming her name. Then, what brought me kind of to consciousness, I guess, was somebody from the cafeteria yelled for me to bring her here."


    Brenda says she handed her lifeless daughter to someone who tried to revive her. Then, she retreated to another part of the cafeteria and began to pray. "I heard people yelling for ice, and I sat in a ball and I prayed," she says. "I prayed harder than I've ever prayed in my life... But I knew she was gone."


    Cecilia died of a heatstroke after being left in the car for nearly eight hours. Outside, temperatures had reached 100 degrees.


    Gary was working when he received a frantic call from Brenda's principal. "He said, 'Get over to the school right now,'" Gary says. "And I said, 'What's up?' [He said,] 'It's an emergency.'"


    In the car on the way to his wife's school, Gary says he never considered that his child's life might be in danger. "The whole time I'm thinking, 'What disgruntled employee did something crazy?'" he says. "I said, 'Well, maybe something happened to Brenda.'"


    When Gary pulled into the school parking lot, he says he saw a lot of commotion. Brenda's principal pulled him off to the side to tell him what happened. "He looked at me and he says, 'Cecilia's dead,'" Gary says. "I didn't even think to ask him, 'How? Why?' I just got up and sort of walked off to be by myself. I was just in shock. I didn't know what to do."
    Despite his grief, Gary says he has never blamed his wife for Cecilia's death. "I could have done the same thing very easily," he says. On nights when his wife had to work late, Gary says she'd ask him to pick up the girls from the babysitter's house, a break from their normal routine. A few times, he says he forgot. Oprah.com: How to heal your grief


    "I get out of work thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home, this and that. I'm going up the highway, [I realize,] 'Oh, my gosh. I left her at the sitter's,'" he says. "I would have to turn around, go back and get her."


    Gary doesn't hold Brenda responsible, but Brenda still blames herself. "I realized the most important person in the world to me lost out because I didn't plan well enough," she says. "She's the one that slipped through the cracks."


    The day Cecilia died, Brenda was taken to a police station where she was questioned for more than two hours. During her emotional confession, she says police officers were empathetic. "Never during the questioning did they seem accusatory," Brenda says. One officer assured Brenda that no one thought she meant to hurt Cecilia.


    Brenda, on the other hand, was not easy on herself. "Good mothers don't do this," she said during the questioning. "How could I not think of my daughter? I want to die. I just want to die."


    Brenda admits she had left Cecilia in a running car before, but she says she never made a habit of it. "The day that Cecilia died was so different because I completely forgot that she was there," she says.


    While the police may have been empathetic, Brenda says her community was not. "My community was in outrage," she says. "I was the most hated mom."


    Although Brenda says her staff and principal were wonderful to her, she says the decision makers in the school district decided they wanted nothing to do with her. Oprah.com: How to slow down


    Although coping has been difficult, Brenda says she has found a higher purpose that is helping her move forward. "Almost immediately, I said, 'How am I going to make something out of this?' I have been given this to bear for a reason, and I'm not going to let Cecilia's life be in vain. That I'm going to use what I've learned in this whole process to change lives for other people."


    Brenda says the lesson she learned that she wants to pass on to other moms is to slow down -- don't become overwhelmed with perfection. "I've learned to say a lot, 'It just doesn't matter,'" she says. "The house doesn't matter, the perfect dinner doesn't matter -- the kids matter."
    An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake - CNN.com

    One thing I don´t get though, wasn´t this a crime? What if I forgot your kid in my car?
    The men's and fathers' movement needs to make sure it never sees females as the enemy,
    but only misandry--whether from females or from males.
    If not, we'll become like the bigoted feminists that this movement was formed to oppose.
    Glenn Sacks
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  2. #2
    Marx's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    I've reports which suggest father's who have done this actually get less harsh sentences than mothers who do it. That was a few years back now, things may have changed. However, one things for 100% certainty.

    No father will appear on Oprah with a sympathetic audience.

    Oprah lives to justify bad mothers and vilify all fathers.
    The most offensive thing you can do to a feminist is treat her with FULL equality.
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  3. #3
    paul parmenter's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    There's a man in the picture: Gary. So it must be all his fault.

  4. #4
    Zuberi's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Oprah lives to justify bad mothers and vilify all fathers.

    I think she lives for more than just that.
    I think she is arrogant and diluted. A rich failure who thinks she knows what women want. Oprah is a good example of a bloodthirsty Matriarch with a cloven tongue.

  5. #5
    shaazam's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    In Oprah's cathedral wimmin are absolved from their misdemeanours and foibles by Oprahs indulgence and some manginas are annointed to carry on the feminit ethos eg Dr Phil

  6. #6
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    "Brenda admits she had left Cecilia in a running car before, but she says she never made a habit of it."

    UM, what? Never do this. Ever.

    It is very sad to me that this child had no primary parent. She didn't have loving family members to raise her - she had a life of pick-ups and drop-offs at stranger's houses. If I, even as a full time mom, am ever feeling distracted and frazzled, I make a simple meal of sandwiches, ignore the laundry piles and errands, and sit both kids down for an indoor "picnic" so we can have some down time. Any mother can do the same. And if EVERY DAY you feel frazzled, you are not being a good mom. Your lifestyle at that point is unacceptable. She has a husband, right? Why wasn't one of them making those kids the priority?

    I really feel bad for this family. I don't think jail time is in order. The thought of her child roasting in the car will haunt the rest of her life. I do hope they manage to change their hectic, childen-as-pets way of life, however.

  7. #7
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    I'm torn on this one....while I agree with JuniperS....the death of her child will likely haunt her, she was still guilty of manslaughter. (Reckless, or negligent death of the child.) We have laws for a reason...and consequences for breaking them. I find it hard to imagine someone "just forgetting" that they have a sleeping child in the backseat of the car...I don't know. Drunk drivers don't "mean" to hit other cars and kill innocent people, but when it happens, should they be let off the hook? This woman wasn't even drunk...

    "Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind, independent of the prevalent one among the crowds, and in opposition to it- a tone of mind which will gradually win influence over the collective one, and in the end determine its character. Only an ethical movement can rescue us from barbarism, and the ethical comes into existence only in individuals."

    "Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace."
    -Albert Schweitzer

  8. #8
    Feckless's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    If I forgot your child in a car I would be guilty right? Do I have immunity / the right to kill my own child?
    The men's and fathers' movement needs to make sure it never sees females as the enemy,
    but only misandry--whether from females or from males.
    If not, we'll become like the bigoted feminists that this movement was formed to oppose.
    Glenn Sacks
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  9. #9
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    The woman, according to WA state law, is guilty of manslaughter in the second degree. A class B felony, punishable by confinement in a state correctional facility for a term of ten years, or by a fine of twenty thousand dollars, or by both confinement and a fine.

    (RCW 9A.20.021 and 9A.32.070)

    I don't know what state she's from, but I imagine the laws are not much different there.

    I know a man who accidentally hit and killed pedestrian while driving intoxicated and arguing with his wife, and yes...he is haunted by it, and will be for the rest of his life. He was convicted of manslaughter, and did four years in a WA state prison and paid a large fine. Why should the above case be any different?

    "Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind, independent of the prevalent one among the crowds, and in opposition to it- a tone of mind which will gradually win influence over the collective one, and in the end determine its character. Only an ethical movement can rescue us from barbarism, and the ethical comes into existence only in individuals."

    "Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace."
    -Albert Schweitzer

  10. #10
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Probably she is seen as the biggest victim of that crime as well.

    The logic behind that. She already has the worst punishment a mother could have, loosing her child, why lock her away?

    I doubt the same decision would be made if a father comitted that crime...
    The men's and fathers' movement needs to make sure it never sees females as the enemy,
    but only misandry--whether from females or from males.
    If not, we'll become like the bigoted feminists that this movement was formed to oppose.
    Glenn Sacks
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    http://antimisandry.com/109272-post69.html

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  11. #11
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Well, if she doesn't go to jail, other moms might not be so careful. Whether she goes to jail or does not, there's an example that's being set.

  12. #12
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Check this out!!!!

    Kids Take Women’s Wealth Away
    Next the issue of women passing on their wealth attainment to the kids, which is against their wealth gathering ways in life too, while men have had no point when they weren't expected to give the other sex the gathered wealth, women are meant by nature to hold off till much later to share the wealth and resources with others much more.
    The fewer kids that one has the more wealth effeminates will gain for themselves as they outlive hard working men. Wealth in divorces goes the woman's way, even though they are said to be equals and often don't have any kids?? We have heard for sometime that men gain more in the work environment, but studies show when women work the same length of time and don’t take off time for more vacations and for children she earns equal or more than a man. It is the fact that women want equal wages for less time input or for less skill that is now become all too apparent to MRAs in the West. Tennis is the latest example as 3 sets gets you the wages of 5 men's sets, and that doesn't answer why equal women want separate but easier systems as a kind of gender apartheid when it suits them.
    Kids Cause Women to Look Bad
    Taking on kids is another factor in increasing a woman’s looks (you are giving me gray hairs), as increased aging is now a deterrent for women having kids. Anyone witnessing all the debates and disciplining that goes on in child rearing will find enough rationalizations to say, "why take on the hassle." Yet for men again we are expected be made of sterner stuff and are expecting women to handle something without trying to be the good cop to the kids at all times. Still "wait for your father to get home" is passing the buck to be the nice cop, and thus have the kids like you more over dad and what is best for them.


  13. #13
    RebelliousVanilla's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    What a stupid cunt. I mean, no offense, you don't think that in the car it can get really hot? And it's easy. My parents gave me to my grandparents so that they can work and afford having me. But you won't be able to victimize single mothers then.

    If I'd kill my child like that, I would never get over it and for sure I wouldn't want to appear on Oprah's TV BS with the story or be able to talk about it...

  14. #14
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Quote Quote from Zuberi View Post
    Check this out!!!!


    Kids Take Women’s Wealth Away



    Next the issue of women passing on their wealth attainment to the kids, which is against their wealth gathering ways in life too, while men have had no point when they weren't expected to give the other sex the gathered wealth, women are meant by nature to hold off till much later to share the wealth and resources with others much more.



    The fewer kids that one has the more wealth effeminates will gain for themselves as they outlive hard working men. Wealth in divorces goes the woman's way, even though they are said to be equals and often don't have any kids?? We have heard for sometime that men gain more in the work environment, but studies show when women work the same length of time and don’t take off time for more vacations and for children she earns equal or more than a man. It is the fact that women want equal wages for less time input or for less skill that is now become all too apparent to MRAs in the West. Tennis is the latest example as 3 sets gets you the wages of 5 men's sets, and that doesn't answer why equal women want separate but easier systems as a kind of gender apartheid when it suits them.



    Kids Cause Women to Look Bad


    Taking on kids is another factor in increasing a woman’s looks (you are giving me gray hairs), as increased aging is now a deterrent for women having kids. Anyone witnessing all the debates and disciplining that goes on in child rearing will find enough rationalizations to say, "why take on the hassle." Yet for men again we are expected be made of sterner stuff and are expecting women to handle something without trying to be the good cop to the kids at all times. Still "wait for your father to get home" is passing the buck to be the nice cop, and thus have the kids like you more over dad and what is best for them.
    You know, I had my son when I was 28. I had my first gray hair at 29. I have a few of them and I'm 36. But it's like a badge of honor, so to speak!

    I don't know what's wrong with a lot of women, but I enjoy buying clothes and toys for my son. I like seeing him well-dressed and happy. Then again, I'm not the type that has to "shop till you drop," either.

  15. #15
    Percy's Avatar
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    Re: An overwhelmed mom's deadly mistake

    Crime? Yes, by default.

    Culpable negligence.

    Would a man get the same sympathy? Possible but to a lesser degree.

    But we can too easily overlook the tragedy here.

    Remember (did you ever know) the definition of tragedy? Bad events caused by a human weakness.

    She took on too much, managed for a while, and made a mistake. It cost a child's life. And ruined many more.

    Hubris; entitlement; fantasy of 'power'.

    I have deep sympathy for this foolish women.
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    (and within ourselves)


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    Go your Own Way, offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.






 

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