Male victim of domestic violence speaks out
As I write this article I will proudly start by stating that I am a male and a victim of domestic violence. I am proud to say it because it is a fact that us men do go through various aspects of physical, emotion and mental abuse.
I am an in an abusive relationship with a woman for the past three years. I know I will be laughed at but this is not a joke, and it’s for this same reason why plenty men do not come forward. It’s a harsh stigma. A woman does not have to be physically abused to get an ear from the cops but a man is looked at twice if he makes a report.
I bring to light my situation on this day, the 28th of April 2010.
My wife is a BVIslander (she knows herself). She has an aggressive personality. She gets things done and she has great leadership qualities. She is also very beautiful. All these qualities attracted me to her when we first met three years ago. I, on the other hand, is quiet, slow to anger individual, so getting involved with someone totally opposite (I thought) would help some of my future goals as a businessman come to reality. I for one do not believe that two quiet persons or two persons with similar temperaments make an ideal partnership.
So I thought this was the ideal, mint relationship-partnership. I was dead wrong. I am fully regretting ever laying eyes on this woman.
The first sign started a few months after we got involved officially. I recalled partying all night with my male friends. I last recalled getting tipsy. I woke up next morning in my bed. (Didn’t remember how I got there). I woke up with a burst lip, and bruises to my arms and legs. I thought I got into an accident. I did not remember driving home or anything.
But anyhow I asked my girlfriend what happened. What she told me after shocked me. She said I came home “stinking drunk” and was “chatting a whole lot of sh**” so she “whooped my a—“. I did not take her on. I thought she was joking so I shrugged it off and asked her “seriously what happen to me”. She told me sternly to stop asking stupid question before I get another “a—whooping” for coming home drunk.
I had strap marks all over my hands and legs and my lip was busted. I would not accept or believe that my girlfriend would beat me for coming home drunk. I asked her if I harmed her because I had too much to drink and recalled very little.
She shocked me again with her response. She said it does not matter. I deserved it.
That incident was a bit understandable, I thought. But things got from bad to worst. Insults in public followed for the slightest thing and we were constantly arguing about petty things like who is to cook, who is too clean, who is to do the laundry and who is to go where, when and how. It was ridiculous. Regardless I loved her because she handled my affairs like a president and she stands up for me and take charge in difficult situations – things I will not feel ashamed of admitting.
The second violent situation occurred about a year ago when I came home late from being out the boys. When I came home the door was locked. She was not answering the phone. That was like 3 in the morning, a brother needs to sleep.
I thought something was wrong, so I got worried. My next thought was gaining entry through a window. I did so easily – took off the net and got to open the window. When I got in I was almost frightened to death because as soon as I switched the lights on my girl was right there holding a strap asking what I doing going through the window, threatening to call police “on my a–“.
I mean this was ridiculous. She never answered the door which she locked, and her phone was saying it’s unavailable.
Next thing I knew my girl started to send blows to my body, one which caught me in my eye. I almost lost my eye that night. She was like a raging bull, hitting me all over. Punching her out was my next plan because I got angry but I thought being a non-Belonger and being reported for hitting her will make matters worse. It was humiliating.
I did not sleep home that night. I went by a cousin and stayed there for the week. She was asking what the problem is but I told her I just had a fight with my woman. I did not tell her what really happened because I was too ashamed to tell.
In a week or two, I was back in the abusive home and relationship. We talked things through and I told her I am not in agreement with her actions. She promised to get counselling and anger management. But that was just a smoke screen because no sooner the insults and abusive language started again.
We had fights where she smashes cups on my head, beat me with the mop stick and squeeze my throat. And never have I placed my hands on her and that makes it worst. One day I thought enough was enough and decided to make a report to the police. However, I first consulted a police friend of mine. He did not laugh but empathised. I was however taken aback that nothing much will come of it because there is lack of evidence to show I was abused. That alone discouraged me from making a report. Do you understand what I am saying? I cannot make a report because a woman is beating me but I’ve watched the news where women claim to be beaten and an army of officers rush to her aid.
I am no longer living with that woman. We still have intimate relations but as far as a relationship goes it is a disaster. It has been months now since she laid hands on me but her abusive languages continue.
I think that my only recourse is to leave the place because murder is the next option. I am tempted. There is so much one can take.
I believe a group should be formed advocating for mens’ rights.
Women have all the rights, men have little or rights.
A teacher can sleep with an under-aged boy but nothing comes out of it. If a female teacher is seen with a young boy, no one suspects anything but the very moment a man is seen with a young girl, all hell broke loose.
Girls give wrong age and the man goes to jail. The girl is not punished for lying and putting an innocent person’s life in jeopardy. This has to stop because sooner or later men will fight back in a way not seen before.
I urge all the men who are being abused out there to get out while you can because I am on the way out of mine.