Thread: Gimme Shelter

Written by Linda G. Mills for Psychology Today:

Gimme Shelter

"Oh, a storm is threatening

my very life today.

If I don't get some shelter

oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away"
- The Rolling Stones

Are you in serious danger from your partner or spouse? Has your
partner or
 spouse been hurting you? Threatening you? Stalking
you? Controlling you?
 Luckily, we have a system of over 2000
domestic violence shelters across the
 country specifically
created to provide you a safe haven from abuse and a 
place to
get your life together.

That is, of course, unless you are a man. According to a National Institute
 of Justice report and the most recent statistics we have, 835,000 men reported that they were victims of domestic violence in 2000. 
Only about 15-20 shelters nation-wide serve abused men, and only a handful of those strive to be welcoming to men in trouble by adopting gender neutral 
language and/or services specific to men.

That's why it was major news last October when the National Coalition For 
Men successfully argued to the California Court of Appeals that state-funded 
domestic violence shelters violated the rights of abused men when it turned 
away David Woods and his 11-year-old daughter Meagan.
The court found that under the Equal Protection clause of the Constitution,
 any program that received government funding was required to provide services 
to all domestic violence victims, regardless of gender. Although there were 
several similar challenges to the exclusionary policies of public shelters 
in the past ten years, none had succeeded. You can learn more about David 
and his wife Ruth's story in my book, Violent Partners.

On October 8th of this year, a County Circuit judge in West Virginia took a stand similar to that in California. Judge James C. Stucky ruled 
that the State's health and penal regulations denying abused men access to 
publicly-funded shelters, and denying female abusers access to treatment, is 
discriminatory.

These landmark decisions will change the way we, as a nation, view 
intimate partner abuse for years to come. To require equal access 
to services means admitting what many people serving victims of domestic violence have
 known for a long time: women can be abusive and men can be in real danger 
from their female partners.

Consider some famous examples: David Gest, Liza Minelli's ex-husband, claimed he was regularly beaten by Minelli during the course of their marriage. Tiger Woods may be the most recent victim, who according to speculation, was fleeing his wife's abuse when he crashed his SUV in his neighbor's yard (although Woods vigorously denies this version of events). Public reaction to the abuse these men allegedly suffered has ranged from outright disbelief to malicious mocking - responses that would be shocking if the victims had been women.

Perhaps we should take a page from other nations that are beginning to recognize the importance of this hidden social problem. This past February, the Netherlands opened up domestic violence
 shelters specifically designed for male victims. Immigrant, gay and straight men, individuals who are transgender and male victims of trafficking are all potential targets for violence who need our help.

It is high time that we recognize this problem and do something about it. That doesn't mean that we need to roll back any of the advances we've made for female victims - what it means is that we need to recognize that all human beings deserve to be protected from violence.