Written by Greg Scharf for The North County Times:

Domestic violence's other side

A friend of mine, a retired member of the Temecula police force, told me that toward the end of his career, he attended an in-service (training) put on by a local domestic violence shelter. After listening for a while, he asked what facilities the organization had for abused men.

The presenter was taken aback, saying, "Well, none, men are always the aggressors in DV cases." After more than two decades in police work, he told her that was not his experience. His honesty did not go over well.

But the truth is not always politically correct. Nor is the assumption that the United States has dealt with family violence only since the women's movement in the 1970s. One of the first legal documents in North America, the 1641 Body of Liberties of the Massachusetts Bay Colonialists, condemns violence by either spouse. Somehow, that's gone lopsided, as when recent studies have shown that while the injuries sustained by women are more serious, most family violence is mutual.

There is so much disinformation in this politically charged topic.

And again, in Temecula, The "Vagina Monologues" the harping, self-righteous, man-bashing work by Eve Ensler, will be playing to packed shows. Go figure.

I've read the book, and after 10 years in the field of domestic violence ---- counseling some 1,500 people ---- I regard its message as distorted and wrong. I wouldn't care if people want to talk about their private parts and spew venom; that's fine. However, my beef is that Safe Alternatives for Everyone is involved, and the play's content is diametrically opposed to what the group is supposed to be about ---- restoring harmony in troubled families, not regarding men as the enemy.

SAFE does not seem particular as to whom it crawls in bed with regarding the Violence Against Women Act as a "partner."

This piece of legislation is really troublesome, as it permits someone to abuse "fear of imminent harm" in custody/divorce battles without any supporting evidence, to obtain a restraining order against their spouse, depriving them of their children (they can't usually afford mandated supervised visitation), their home, their jobs and their finances. Due process, and the right to trial by jury, are ignored.

To celebrate Valentine's Day, I think it much more appropriate to do something more sensuous, erotic and romantic than hear some whining, misanthropic diatribe.

But if you insist on getting your consciousness "raised" (razed?) instead, I suggest you get the balanced picture by driving by Walmart; all too often you'll find some poor soul living in his car, having lost everything as the result of being wrongly wrung through the legal system by a vindictive spouse.

GREG SCHARF writes from Temecula. Contact him at gscharf7@aol.com.