A Dane said “You’re a man an should not react as women do - crying and feeeeling so bad, that’s the women’s domain. You could have pressed charges long time ago, now all you can, and should, do is to get over it.”
THAT is the problem with society - that men are now supposed to let their feelings show! “Be a man! Don’t cry!” a boy’s father says to him. If he feels he was raped, then he was! Rape is not sexual; it’s about power. And that is what she was using against him. She could have masturbated; instead, she chose to play a power trip on that poor guy knowing he wouldn’t do a thing against her.
So rape only counts when there is physical force or the threat of injury present? Psychological coercion isn’t enough? I guess that means all those male bosses who demand sex as the price of continued employment aren’t guilty of rape at all since no threat of violence is present. And rape victims to be forced to prove not only lack of consent but the threat of violent injury in order to get a conviction? Good luck with that.
Um… she forced him to have sex with her, against his will. I do not care much for legal, 50-cent word definitions of rape, but this situation certainly fits what I would call rape.
Dr. Helen is right - reform is needed. I agree that falsely reporting rape, or sexual assault, or sexual harassment; ought to merit the same sort of scrutiny and punishment as valid charges.
Guys, see how much sympathy you get when some woman slaps a false rape charge against you (or even a false sexual harrassment charge). Even if the evidence solidly points to that fact that she lied and that you’re innocent, even if there was no possible way at all that you and her could have been in a situation that even remotely supports her lie, you’re still screwed.
And for those of you knuckleheads who are being callous over this Marine’s plight: If you got caught up in a similar situation as that Marine, you’d get absolutely no sympathy from me, ever.
To the unsympathetic:
If you think the lifetime legal injury that would have been done to “Mike” if he’d fought back is something to scoff at, you really don’t have much of a clue. I realize it’s hard to get one’s head around the idea of a man being raped or abused by a woman, but if you think for a few minutes before having a juvenile emotional reaction, you’d see how much the law favours women. The woman who assaulted “Mike” is a predator, plain and simple. There are men on sex offender registries for their whole lives labelled as rapists and pedophiles for much less. Injury by physical force is not the only “real” injury. I think I could deal with the threat of temporary physical force more readily than the threat of being forever labelled a rapist.
Women can’t be rapists, you know, like blacks can’t be racist.
I know a guy who suffered something similar, in that he woke up in his bed to find one of his housemates on top of him. She didn’t make any threats that I’m aware of, but she used him for sex without his consent: pretty much the definition of rape. I don’t think he made a big deal of it - what was he going to say? Who could he complain to?
To make it even worse, she became pregnant from the encounter and so not only does he support the child, he’s stuck with this horrible woman in his life for the next few decades.
I also find, on the part of some of the other commenters, a disturbing lack of understanding (or knowledge) of reproductive biology. It’s almost as though you’re proud to display your ignorance..
Oh, well… From reading the “enlightened” responses of some of the other commenters here, I guess in our society, which was supposed to guarantee equality of potential for all, with openness and understanding, without prejudice, that:
- only men can rape women
- only men can assault women (sexually or physically or mentally)
- only men can sexually harass women.
Thanks for the clue, folks.
Men are being treated as underclass “people” by the law and ridiculed in the media. But real men should not complaint as victims. Like Roman plebeians they should step aside. Mister bin Laden will solve all present problems created by women seeking power and power only.
I am sure if, Dr. Helen< you had removed genders
from the story, people would line up solidly behind the victim. The comments prove the point though. Most people only see rape as penetration, and the perp is the one doing that. It’s a crock, but there it is. The comments about how this wouldn’t happen to a real man are also a crock. Hate to tell you this guys, but ANY woman can scream rape, and you will be face down in handcuffs fast enough to make your head spin. The police may determine later that she was lying, but that won’t take away the night or nights in jail proving your innocence, IF you can. People who think that is impossible, have never been close to it… I’ve been the guy to bail out a friend with the psycho ex-girlfriend who was blackmailing, and screamed it.
The DA dropped it when we could conclusively prove he was elsewhere.
Just because women can use soft-power to do this, doesn’t mean it is different*. The guy has figured out, no doubt, how hard it is to get any services for this. Hopefully he has friends to back him up over the long haul.
*yes, it’s a different scenario to take advantage of a man, but, it is also a different kind of wound. In effect you take away his manhood for some amount of time, because all his strength and power can be co-opted. He has no answer for that. Unlike a woman who will get sympathy from almost everyone, a man gets derision from many of his peers, and most women won’t believe him if he says anything about it.
This was definitely rape, and the unsympathetic responses here are puzzling. The definition Mary offers says “usually” carried out forcibly or under threat of injury. In this case, the man’s ability to use force to protect himself was thwarted by her pregnancy. He might as well have been physically restrained. His use of force would have threatened an innocent life. The definition does not rely on force, as Mary seems to imply (she obviously isn’t reading the definition carefully enough). Just because this situation was unusual does not mean it wasn’t rape.
This is one of those rare cases in which the man could not reasonably have fought off the woman. She used her pregnancy as a restraint against the man. She might as well have been holding a gun to another innocent person’s head. I can’t imagine how anyone could reasonably come to any other conclusion.
If this isn’t rape then we have a huge double standard. The threat of force and an unwilling partner would be all that is needed to qualify in my opinion. Of course he could have physically stopped her when he woke up, but she threatened economic punishment(his job), not to mention his own conviction no one would believe him or fear of hurting the unborn child. Big marine raped by 6 month pregnant women….twice! SUUURE he could have come forward. This would seriously screw with anyones head and she might as well have been holding a gun to his head and it isn’t at all suprising he avoided confronting what happened to him for so long. As far as the comments for him to suck it up, because he is a man? Suppressing anger hardly makes one a man. Dealing with it constructively so he can move on and create and sustain better relationships with loved ones in his own life is harder and does.
Good Luck Mike Trey
In a few weeks, tens of thousands of college freshmen will be taken to auditoriums and told about how having sex with a drunk woman is rape. She is incapacitated by her voluntary use of alcohol or drugs, and having sex with her while she is to inebriated to consent is rape.
That makes perfect sense to me.
It is the height of absurdity to claim that this only applies to women. It is unjustifiable using even the most strenuous of mental gymnastics.
Let’s just replay the scenario with a couple of minor changes…..
Two women go out to a club and have a few too mnay to drink. One woman departs with a man leaving the other at the club. Unfortunately, she is too inebriated to drive and rather than risking it she elects to stay in hotel. The woman remaining at the club, a strong, fit, 21 year old elite woman athlete had struck up a friendship with a slender, effeminate metrosexual male who was stuck without a ride. Not feeling a threat from this man, and both being drunk and short of funds, they elect to share a room for the night after which she would drive him home. Both agree that only sleeping would occur in the room.
The woman awakes in the middle of the night to find the man on top of her having sexual intercourse. When she protests and tells him to stop he angrily refuses and threatens to ruin her career and image by going to the press or national Inquire and releasing made-up details about their night together and possibly even photos. While she could physically stop him she is stunned that this is happening and afraid of his threat and its potential impact on her public image and potential for a broadcasting career.
Now…given that he began intercourse with her while she was asleep, and threatened harm to her career when told him to stop, would that be rape? Would anyone be saying “just get over it”? Or would it be that nonconsensual intercourse still rape, no matter the circumstance?
When did the rape occur? When he entered her while she was asleep? When he threatened her and continued? Did it stop being rape because she could have physically made him stop but didn’t?
Why is this different from Mike’s story?
p.s. To answer the “what was he thinking” question there’s this. Perhaps he saw a pregnant woman in a difficult situation and wanted to help as best he could within his means. Perhaps, because he was a gentleman, he had no intention of doing anything other than what he said; sleep it off and get her home safely in the morning. Perhaps, this was a good deed getting taken advantage of and punished. There are many, many good men in the world who would want to help a pregnant woman in distress.