Interesting side, seems to be alot of old stuff (don´t know if there is new contend) BUT a lot of interesting information on what abuse is who to handle etc.
And a lot of cases..... Quote:
Men's Reactions to Female Sexual Coercion
Review and commentary © 2001 by Bert H. Hoff
Review of Cindi Struckman-Johnson, Ph.D., and David Struckman-Johnson, Ph.D., "Men's Reactions to Female Sexual Coercion" Psychiatric Times March 2001 Vol. XVII Issue 3
One of the long-standing myths about sexual abuse is that men or boys are rarely victims of sexual abuse, especially with women as the sexual aggressors—that a woman cannot make a man have sex with her against his will. This timely article by the Doctors Struckman-Johnson helps to disabuse us of this myth. Prevailing stereotypes about boys and men are that they must "want it." Stereotypes about women's physical weakness, disinterest in sex, sex-role passiveness and gentle nature lead many people to assume that women are not capable of such an act, as Dr. Peter B. Anderson (Anderson and Dr. Cindi Struckman-Johnson pointed out in 1998 in the book they edited, Sexually Aggressive Women. Debunking the myth
In reality, the authors of this article point out, research has long shown that substantial numbers of men are subjected to the sexually aggressive behavior of female strangers, acquaintances and lovers.
Over a decade ago, Dr. Struckman-Johnson found that 16% of a sample of 268 men at a small Midwestern university reported that they had been forced to have sexual intercourse on a date. A bit later she and Dr. David Struckman-Johnson reported that 30% of another sample of 204 college men had experienced an incident of pressured or forced sexual contact with a female perpetrator. For 20% of the men, the incident resulted in sexual intercourse. In yet another survey, 43% of 318 men reported having had at least one coercive sexual experience with a woman since the age of 16, culminating in sexual intercourse for 27% of the men (Anderson and Struckman-Johnson, 1998).
Other researchers have found the same thing. One study found that 24% of 171 men at an Eastern college had been coerced into sexual intercourse. Another found that 24% of a sample of 182 college men in California had unwanted sex with an insistent woman in the past five years. In a survey of two Canadian universities, 24% of 156 men had experienced some type of sexual coercion in heterosexual dating. Among a sample of 165 fraternity men at a Western college, 21% experienced unwanted sexual contact.
How does it happen?
How does a woman accomplish sexual coercion of an adolescent or adult male? The Struckman-Johnsons do an excellent job of laying out the dynamics:... women are most likely to use psychological pressure such as verbal pleading and arguments, emotional blackmail, and deception. Another common approach of sexually aggressive women is to take advantage of a man's intoxicated state. A typical scenario, according to male victims, involves a predatory woman who encounters an inebriated man (or contributes to his drinking) and pursues him until he falls asleep or passes out. The woman then manually or orally stimulates him to erection and mounts him for sexual intercourse. Sexually aggressive women only occasionally resort to force tactics, which we define as intimidation with size, threats of harm including blackmail, physical restraint, physical harm or use of a weapon. In our surveys, about 12% or less of male victims reported that a woman used force against them, but in most cases, the force was not extreme. Women locked men into cars, blocked their retreat from a room, grabbed at them, threw them down on beds and floors, sat on them, and tied them up. In some instances, women pinched, slapped and hit men who tried to stop their advances. A few men reported that women blackmailed them into having sex by threatening to divulge damaging information to parents, employers or girlfriends. How do Men React?
The Struckman-Johnsons tell us that only a few studies have exclusively examined the effects of female sexual coercion of adult men. In 1982 Masters and a colleague reported on the emotional impact on 11 men who had been sexually molested by females. In the course of counseling for sexual problems, the men revealed recent and past incidents of forcible rape, abuse by a baby-sitter, incest and assault by a dominant woman. The authors documented a posttraumatic reaction involving depression and sexual aversion and dysfunction.
Most of the information about male reactions to female sexual coercion comes from surveys of college men. The survey of college fraternity men mentioned earlier discovered that the men who had experienced sexual coercion had more depressive symptoms, more alcohol use and more alcohol-related problems than fraternity men who had not been sexually coerced. Another found that male victims had a range of positive to negative reactions to unwanted sexual contact at the time it happened. Nearly 40% of male victims reported being not at all upset, whereas 17% were extremely upset at the time of the incident. One-fifth of the men indicated that the incident decreased their involvement in social activities, and 19% had impairment of academic functioning.
The Struckman-Johnsons' own research bears out that college men have mixed reactions to female sexual coercion. In their 1988 study, 25% said they felt good about being forced to have sexual intercourse, 50% felt neutral and 25% felt bad. One-fifth of the victims reported that long-term effects had occurred. In their 1994 study, almost half of the male victims rated the incident as having no negative impact, but 23% reported moderate to severe negative impact. We found no differences in sexual self-esteem between men with and without coercion experience. In a similar survey in 1998, 33% of male victims rated the incident as having no effect, 30% were mildly to moderately upset, and 14% had a severe negative effect. Overall, they say, at least one out of five men has a strong negative reaction to sexual coercion from a woman.
We speculate that many men are not upset by female sexual coercion because men are expected to initiate and to pursue ever-increasing levels of sexual intimacy with female partners. When a man is confronted with a sexually aggressive woman, he is likely to view it as a positive opportunity to have sex, not a violation of will. One researcher speculated that female sexual coercion may even enhance a man's reputation and thus prevent negative effects. Men may also feel that they have little to fear from a smaller, weaker female perpetrator. It is also possible that men deny or minimize their victimization because of masculine standards to be self-reliant.
The researchers found that men distressed by female sexual coercion particularly when:
- A woman uses physical restraint against him. Even if the man knows that he can escape, he is still likely to feel shocked, confused and possibly frightened by a woman's use of force.
- A woman exploits him while he is intoxicated, especially if the woman is unattractive. (Dozens of men in this situation told researchers how upsetting it was to be unable to physically stop the sexual interaction. Others resented the woman for taking away their right to choose who they would have sex with.
- A young man with conservative sexual standards loses his virginity to a sexually coercive woman, who is usually older. Numerous young men reported that this type of incident prevented them from having their "first time" with a partner who was specially chosen and well-loved. When a sexually aggressive woman causes a man to betray another woman in his life.
- When the woman is a powerful authority figure. For example, in a recent study, we found that some men in prison were profoundly upset when female staff coerced them into sexual activity.
The Struckman-Johnsons' own research did not systematically assess the nature of psychological trauma experienced by male victims. Written survey comments and interviews, however, revealed that men who are very upset by an incident of female sexual coercion are likely to experience subsequent distrust and wariness around women and to have relationship difficulties.
Men who are sexually coerced by either a woman or a man are unlikely to report the incident to the police, tend not to reveal the sexual incident if they seek medical treatment, and are unlikely to seek psychological support or therapy for subsequent emotional problems. The authors suggest that psychiatric and medical professionals should be encouraged to address this hidden victimization by asking their male clients if sexual assault has occurred in their past and, if so, to provide or refer them to appropriate treatment.
It is encouraging that this article, based on research from 1984 to 1998, hit the psychological mainstream with its publication in the Psychiatric Times. It's a comprehensive and well-balanced article. Perhaps it is more suited for counselors and hobbyists in psychology rather than for a broader lay audience. But at least studies like these are finally emerging from the halls of academia and makiing it onto the radar screen of the helping professions. Maybe 50% or more of the guys do feel "lucky". But at least one in five don't. One in four women are victims of childhood sexual abuse. We don't ignore them because of cultural stereotypes and because 74% of the women aren't. Pherhaps we should be offering help to, rather than jokes about, the one in five victims of unwanted ssexual coercion who suffer moderate to severe negative effects.
The article is available on-line at Psychiatric Times.
| Quote: A Seattle therapist who convicted of assault and required to pay a $500 fine, perform 100 hours of community service and have absolutely no contact with the woman says: I was dumbfounded from the very start of the incident," the man says. "I was getting struck by this woman while I was holding my daughter and I was the one who called the police.
In Kelso, a man had been out drinking and came home to fall asleep on the couch. His wife took an iron skillet and beat him. He was taken to the emergency room of the hospital and stitched up. He was taken there by police, but no charges were filed against his wife.
My wife—in one of her drunken rages—took our daughter’s baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my study, where I was trying desperately to meet a deadline. And since I’m over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn’t get much sympathy posing as a “battered man!”: I had thought of calling the police that night. When I recalled this incident to my divorce lawyer some time later, his response was: “It’s a good thing you didn’t, because the police probably would have arrested you.”
My son was married to a violent young woman for a few months before he left her. He is much larger than her and is a one time amateur boxing champion. She never used weapons, so she never came close to hurting him physically. But she hit him whenever she got the notion to, she cut up his clothes and threw them in the yard, she destroyed the trophies he had accumulated in various sports competitions since childhood, and she destroyed a wedding album my wife had made for them. Neither party was blameless, but the physical violence was all hers. If my son had ever hitten her, there would have been evidence for weeks.
I was in a hellish marriage with a woman who had difficulty controlling her rage, which would frequently erupt with her hitting, verbal abuse, and screaming. If fighting with her did occur, it was self-defense; if she threw a punch or kicked, I defended myself. In one particular case, after she initiated a fight by kicking and throwing punches, she called the police to report me as the violent abuser! When they responded, I was seen as the bad guy, she was the victim!
A man from Washington state---
I am 6'2" and about 200 lbs. I have a solid background in wrestling and have dabbled in TKD and Judo. I am also a DV survivor. I am NOT a "victim"! ... I was awakened by her screaming as she came through the bedroom door swinging a baseball bat. She brought it down across my legs. I managed to avoid most of the blow and took the bat away from her by twisting it out of her hands. She went to the kitchen and got a marble rolling pin.
We've tried to find help for him but all of the shelters just answer in silence. It's a shame how he was treated by the police and that there are no shelters or groups to help men, they need it every bit as much as women. It's time to stop offering help to someone just because they are a women. Abuse is abuse, it does matter how the abuser is or how the abused is.
I know the terror that comes from domestic violence, in this case perpetrated by my mother.
-- a Seattle man
I have been verbally and psychologically battered and abused, I've been threatened with bodily harm, I've been threatened to be shot right between the eyes, I've been kicked in the groin, I've had to watch while my ex sexually molested my daughter and not dare interfere for fear of retaliation. Then 1 day she called 911 so fast and had me arrested, my head was literally spinning with disbelief. When trying to tell the officer that I was provoked and that she was hurting my daughter and that I was protecting my daughter, he told me that I had better keep quiet, I'd charge you with a felony if I could, he said. .. So now what do i do?
She slapped the walls in the hall way. ... She hit me in the arm a few times, goading me to hit back. ... As you can see the above picture doesn’t’ show any gross domestic violence.
Wife became very angry and she attacked me with a set of Porsche Keys - maybe three inches long. she stabbed me thirteen times. As I was trying to leave, she took our daughter and tried to throw her down the steps
Although she had been physically aggressive in the past, she turned downright violent toward me. It started by hitting me with the phone, throwing objects at me, kicking and clawing. She drew blood a number of times. Under advice from my attorney, I was warned that even taking a defensive position could be seen as an act of violence toward her. The ONLY physical action I took toward her was to restrain her from hitting or biting or kicking me. She was an expert at falling down and screaming -- "see kids, look at what your dad is doing to me."
Here's the kicker. I am a mental health professional, social worker and marriage and family therapist. I had blinders on like most guys. I interpreted her behavior as emotional disturbance, and would often sit up all night trying to comfort her after one of these episodes.
my lawyer looked at me like I was crazy when I told him ...
Why did I take it? I had a daughter that was small that was also screamed at and hit,and scared by stories of the bugger man getting her.I finally had to leave or get killed.
Grandmother was active in early women's rights, now urges men to speak out and act ...
My wife of almost 9 years was a woman of an incredibly short temper and possessed the ability to swing from mood to mood faster than you could shake a stick at. Over the years, she had thrown things at me, including knives, slapped me, punched me, and shoved me on numerous occasions. I had always felt a sympathy towards her because of the fact that she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. I was going to be her protector.
I believe if this got around, their would be a stigma. Some embarassment toward ex wives and present lovers. I don't want my kids to hear these stories, or to have others in their world, discussing me regarding this issue.
I still don't understand why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did. I quess it was because she was such a great girl in every other way and I hoped she would change. I'm never going to go back into that kind of insanity again.
Funny, at the time I told myself I deserved it.
I was awarded temporary sole custody of my three children and possession of the marital home. My ex-wife was in shock and refused to leave ... Her attempts to provoke an incident increased. Finally one morning she cornered me alone in the kitchen and again began to punch me out after a nasty verbal exchange. Unfortunately, my 10 year old son witnessed this episode through a window while he headed for his school bus. I did not strike back. My ex then left and went to the police.
I was abused too many times and decided to end the relationship many times but I was unable to do so. Because she followed my each and every move and I was reluctant to file stalking charges against her because I did not want to hurt her feelings. The abuse intensified, she did not hesitate to hit me ... She also clawed me numerous time and even cut me with a knife. I was again failed to report the incidents to the authority. Many times she had threatened me that if I bring any charges against her, she would not hesitate to bring false charges against me ...
Her definition of the proper way to conduct an argument was to slap me around until I stopped disagreeing with her. ... However, I was willing to put up with it for the sake of her kids...at least until she started endangering them.
She screamed:
"I have never forgiven you for the way you looked at me the first time I hit you."
"How did I look?" I asked.
"You looked hurt and shocked and angry and disgusted."
"How should I have looked after you hit me?" I asked.
"I needed for you to understand how I was feeling at that time. I needed your support, not your anger," she said.
I understood then why she had never apologised for that act of violence or for any of her many other violent assaults.
She was brassy, outspoken and told me she liked "big guys". I'm 6' and weigh in at 230. She held a knife to my throat and told me to get out of the apartment. I would not dare move because I thought she would kill me....she would tell friends very publicly why sex with me was difficult. She would later say it was meant to be a compliment...kidding about the size of my genitalia. I wasn't laughing. Every success I had was met with derision. Daily my shirts were ripped....my face was slapped...I was kicked....I was locked out. There was nothing I could do to make a difference. [After I left] she has told me repeatedly, "You're the only person who really understood me." The face I see as she speaks is still the one who held the knife. | Quote: | The Male Victim
Roger Eldridge 
Confidential advice line for Men in violent relationships HELPLINE:
(Republic of Ireland)
046-23718
visit the Amen Web site The vast majority of recorded incidents of domestic violence are of men on women. Society, although aware of the male victim, treats him as a joke. In reality he is a man in fear, a man in isolation, a man stigmatised as weak. Why? Because he does not conform to the stereotypical male image.
In law, a male victim faces two obstacles; firstly to prove he is a victim, and secondly, to ensure that his children are protected and do not become the new victims. Men very often remain in an abusive relationship for the sake and protection of their children.
Most men react by staying silent. Often this silence is encouraged by factors such as fear of ridicule and, the realisation that it is unlikely his partner will be evicted. Even when a man has proved he is the victim it seems his only course of action is to leave the home. He is then separated from his children and often experiences difficulty in obtaining realistic and regular contact with them. He is in fact treated as the perpetrator rather than the victim.
(Call Helpline for daily information on opening times.
Answering machine at all other times) M.T. Cleary
Co-ordinator
10 St. Patrick's Terrace
Navan
Co. Meath
In its first year of operation, AMEN has heard from in excess of 3,000 men and concerned members of their families. Fighting the Myths
Modern medicine is aware of certain conditions which may cause people to be violent but we expect such sufferers to seek help or medical treatment. Men are expected to take responsibility for violence and abuse but no excuses are accepted. Yet when a female is violent society provides a list of excuses: Post-natal depression, stress, PMT, eating disorders, personality disorders, menopause, addictions, childhood traumas, provocation, self-defence etc. Although most men will be sensitive to these problems, they should not have to suffer violence as a consequence.
When a woman is violent and abusive in a relationship, it is not necessarily assumed that she is a bad mother. If a man is violent towards his partner, it is automatically assumed that he is an unfit parent. The law presumes that the children are almost always better off with their mother. Consequently the only options for men seem to be to put up with the abuse or to leave the home, since under the law there is no real protection for them.
If a male victim seeks help, society should offer the same protection and help to him and his children as is given to female victims. Women should be judged by the same standards as men, and women who are violent should be held legally responsible for their actions.
How Men Cope
Men in abusive relationships employ various methods to attempt to diffuse
potentially violent situations:
They may:
- go into another room or lock themselves away in a safe place
- leave the dvelhng, go to family or friends (but tell no-one the real reason)
- sleep in their car, shed, garage or wherever they can find shelter
- promise to do whatever she asks or demands
- accept responsibility for all sorts of untrue accusations
- cover up for their violent partner.
These are all survival tactics but will not stop the attacks. However, most men will do anythmg in the vain hope of stopping the abuse. What they fail to do is record the incidents, injuries or pattern of events. They fail to tell any family members of the situation and make excuses for their injuries even vrhen they attend the hospital or the doctor. They fear the humiliation and stigma of disclosure even when the abuse is life-threatening.
How Society Reacts
If men attempt to report incidents of abuse they are met with blatant discrimination, disbelief, gender bias and comments such as the following:
- "You must have done something terrible to her to deserve this ..."
"Look at the size of you! Maybe she was just defending herself."
"We can't arrest her - what about the children? " "Why don't you just leave?"
"Give her time to calm down. "
Society seems to want these men to go away because there is no simple solution to their plight and there are no support systems in place to deal with them.
What men should do:
- Always keep a record of dates and times of incidents.
- Always report the violence to your doctor and to the Gardai - ensure that they record your injuries and all the details of the assault.
- Always seek medical attention for any injuries -- do not cover up the true cause.
- Always take legal advice.
- Do tell your family and friends what is happening to you.
- Do not be provoked into retaliating.
Victims' Comments
She said "You realise I could kill you and get away with it". She slept with the knife under the pillow.
"I am 80 years old come Christmas. I am blind. I obtained a protection order against her. She laughed at it and the beatings have increased".
"My little darling is 4'11", I am 6'2". The Gardai suggested I go home and sort her out myself."
"As I put away the shopping she stabbed me in the back with a 7" knife. I was put on life support. It was several days before my family knew whether I would survive."
"I'm a doctor. Who do I talk to? Who is going to believe me?"
"My hair has been pulled out in tufts. I am not allowed to wash before going to work in the morning. She is obsessively jealous even though it is she who is having the affairs."
"I am 84 years old. My wife is 75. The violence has gone on for 40 years and has become progressively worse."
"She beat myself and the children. I took out protection on the children. She promptly got an interim barring order on me. The Gardai removed me from my home. For God's sake I was the victim! Who will protect my children now?"
Male Victims
- come from all walks of life, social backgrounds and cultures.
Male Victims
- suffer society's stigma for not protecting themselves.
Male Victims
- become depressed in their isolation, feel suicidal and sometimes take their own lives without disclosure.
Male Victims
- are victimised because they fail to conform to the Macho man stereotype.
Male Victims
Male Victims
- are disbelieved because they are men.
Male Victims
- are refused the status of victim.
Male Victims
- are caring, sensitive men, good fathers and providers. They want help for the abuser not further abuse from society and the caring agencies.
Male Victims
- are removed from or asked to leave their homes because it is the easy option.
Male Victims
- have no support systems in place. They have no "listening ear".
| Absolutely interesting for a abused male who seeks help. Could probably eventually deserve a sticky as there are far more interesting articles on this side.
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22nd-August-2008
