Quote:
The stance of the father in a custody case, with or without a 209A order should be simply this:
“I demand shared physical and legal custody of my children. If my soon-to-be ex-wife disagrees, then I demand sole physical and legal custody, and will permit as much visitation to her as she requires, within reason. Furthermore, if the court intends to deny me the minimally acceptable shared custody of my children, I demand it produce findings of fact as to why and how I am a danger or harmful to my child. If the court intends to take custody of my child away from me, I demand it give the reasons why I am unfit and constitute a danger to my child.”
Then, fold arms, sit back, and watch the system spin its wheels.
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This has got to be the most counter-productive advice that I have ever heard. If you followed this advice, you would lose your kids -- and probably would be required to pay your opponent's attorney's fees. Honestly, going in and making demands for custody, then folding your arms? As a father's rights activist, I am publicly warning anybody who is listening that this will most definitely cause you to lose favor with the court and thus time with your kids. Don't do it.
The best way that you can navigate the court system is to hire an AV-rated attorney or at least getting advice from
an experienced organization with contacts in the family law system. To find an AV-rated attorney, go here and click on "Find Lawyers and Law Firms":
Lawyers, Find a Lawyer, Law Firm & Attorney Directory - martindale.com
For an explanation of lawyer ratings,
go here. Make sure you select someone with at least 10 years experience, an AV (not BV or CV) rating, and as few areas of practice as possible (if they practice
only family law, and not any other type of law, then that is ideal). On the other hand, if you simply don't have the money to hire an attorney, then you might consider paying $28 a month for a membership with PrePaid Legal, which allows you to have unlimited consultations with an attorney, although you'll be the one who has to do all the legal filings. Hiring an attorney through PrePaid Legal (if you must hire one) is discounted if you're a member. But remember, you must take into account whether they are AV rated and specialize only in family law; to ignore this step may cause you to get sub-par representation, including wasting your retainer. Make absolutely sure that you're getting an AV rated lawyer.
The best way that you can avoid the whole mess with evaluators and mediators and so on, is to maximize your time with your kids PRIOR to divorcing. Establish a precedent. Don't assume that the court cares about fairness or parental rights. Just spend as much time with your kids as possible especially BEFORE you go to court -- preferably months worth of consistent time. If you are the primary breadwinner and the mother is the primary caregiver, you're already at a disadvantage. Getting 50/50 is probably not in the cards, because Mom is the one who has been caring for kids most of the time (if you've been the bread-winner), and the court will likely keep that arrangement in place.
This manifesto has great intentions, but I would never give it to a father who was facing, or in the midst of, a custody battle.